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Let's Play Homestuck
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Act 2: Raise of the Conductor's Baton
Part 2: Strife
Link back to comic: Page 310
So there's this really cool guy, right? He won't tell us his name, because he's too busy being chill, and totally sweet, and awesome. Everyone wishes they were this cool.
We can guess pretty good, though.
Dave Strider
turntechGodheadInterests: Unbelievably ill jams, bands no one's ever heard of, weird preserved dead things, ironic blogs, phat rhymes, puppets, games
Fetch Modus: Hash
Now, shouldn't you be getting your bro's beta and saving your friends?
Of course not, nobody you know is in any sort of life-threatening danger. John hasn't even gotten the beta yet.
Also, your copy of the beta is right here, where it is totally safe. Not like you have any intention of playing it, ever.
Dave's fetch modus is pretty complicated, but fully understanding it is not necessary!
Basically, he has ten cards, and which card an item is stored under is pseudo-random and based on the name of the item. So, a BOX will always be stored in card #5, ejecting whatever else was in that slot.
You proceed to have the conversation we saw at the beginning of Act 1, but from the other side.
You take some comfort in knowing that you are so much cooler than John.
Checking your various projects, you come across your ironic terrible webcomic, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff.
...this is totally optional reading material, but it's the source of a lot of the weird memes that crop up over the course of the game, so it might be worth checking at least these entries out:
I warned you about stairs bro!!!
where MAKING THIS HAPEN
the big man.... HASS the rock
THE SOCK RUSE WAS A............ DISTACTION
in my dream, i am the star. it's me
shit. lets be santa
That is more than enough of this nonsense.
TT: In some cultures the persistent refusal of a lady's invitation to play a game with her would be a sign wanton disrespect.
TT: Either that, or flagrant homosexuality.
TG: what oh no
TG: no look
TG: im busy ok
TG: ive got a lot of shit on my plate
TG: i am sort of a big deal ok?
TT: I know.
TT: Sometimes I wonder how you are ever allowed to pay for meals in restaurants.
TT: It must be hard to keep a low profile when you're always overhearing awed voices whisper, "It's that guy who has a blog."
TG: seriously
TG: dudes be worshipping me left and right
TG: i cant hardly walk down the street without stepping over torsos of the prostrate
TT: Navigating the urban landscape I'm sure is difficult enough without an obstacle course of deferential flesh and skyward asses.
TT: Heavy is the crown.
TG: oh for fucks sake
TG: youre just lobbying for me to play that dumb game
TT: Baseless accusation!
TG: look i am telling you
TG: egbert is ALL ABOUT that game
TG: he will play it with you and probably be tickled retarded about it
TT: I know this very well.
TT: I cannot hasten his mail's delivery, however.
TG: yeah yeah
TG: ill hassle him some more about it
TG: and look how about this
TG: if you ever find yourself in the position where your life depends on me playing that piece of shit game, then ill play
TG: will that make you happy
TT: More than you know.
TT: It perfectly mollifies my grief over the demise of chivalry.
REMOTE NARRATOR CONNECTED.
>JOHN WHAT ARE YOU DOING. STOP DOING NOTHING.
>MOST TROUBLING. INVESTIGATE THIS FLUID.
Meanwhile, in the past, Dave is dealing with some INVENTORY MANAGEMENT BULLSHIT.
You'd allocate the sword to your BLADEKIND Strife Specibus, but you already did that ages ago.
You'll have to dry that beta off by the window.
This inevitably and immediately leads to antics, follwed by more inventory bullshit.
You have lost your copy of the beta.
Back to Rose!
The ground floor of your house is filled with unbelievably shitty wizards. It reeks of magic and passive aggression in here.
The refridgerator is covered in passive aggressive bullshit, and the counter is covered in liquor.
Mom must be somewhere nearby.
OH GOD there she is, doing her ironic housewife thing.
Getting out of here without an encounter will be difficult.
GG: hi dave!!
TG: hey sup
GG: not much sup with you!!
GG: bro! hehehe
TG: good one
TG: s'alright being chill i guess you know how it goes
GG: sooooo cooooooool!!!
GG: so have you talked to john today???
TG: yeah we were just talking a while ago about how he sucks at his sylladex
TG: can you believe he uses stack that kid is ridiculous
GG: lol
GG: well that doesnt sound like much fun!
TG: what was it you use again...
TG: wait nm
TG: i forgot whenever we talk about your goofy modusses i get a migrane. what do you want with john
GG: i want to tell him happy birthday and ask him about his birthday package!
TG: oh yeah
TG: i was being sort of cagey and told him to check the mail cause i was wondering if mine came yet
GG: i think it did!
GG: and i think mine came too
TG: so uh
TG: i guess you want to know if he likes it or something?
GG: no!!!!!!!
GG: he will not open it
GG: he will lose it!!!
TG: wow sorry to hear that i guess?
GG: no its good actually!
GG: because he will find it again later when he really needs it
GG: which of course is why i sent it in the first place!
TG: i never get how you know these things
GG: i dont know
GG: i just know that i know!
GG: anyway i have to go!
GG: i have to feed bec which is always a bit of an undertaking
TG: say hi to your grand dad for me too ok
GG: ._.
GG: yes i guess an encounter with him is almost certain
GG: it is usually........
GG: intense!!!
TG: well yeah isnt it always with family
TG: but he sounds like a total badass
GG: yeah he totally is!!!
GG: anyway gotta go!
GG: <3
EB: i'm in my room again, i really think there's someone else in this house.
EB: like monsters or something.
TG: dude monsters arent real
TG: thats stupid kids stuff for stupid babies
EB: maybe. yeah you're right.
TG: what are you an idiot
TG: of course there are monsters in your house
TG: youre in some weird evil monster dimension come on
TG: skepticism is the crutch of cinematic troglodytes
EB: ok ok stop!
EB: what do i do?
TG: you should look into weaponizing your sylladex
TG: my bro is always getting on my case about it but man its not as easy as it sounds
TG: but if youre fighting monsters left and right you dont have much choice
EB: how's it going there?
TG: im out in the living room hes usually here
TG: all i see is lil cal over there so i guess he cant be far
EB: see...
EB: i just don't know why you think it's cool.
EB: his ventriloquist rapping thing.
TG: oh lil cal? no man
TG: lil cal is the shit
EB: that's fine, you are entitled to your opinion, i am just saying that being a white guy who is a rapper with a ventriloquist doll is not cool by any stretch of the imagination or by any definition of word cool, ironic or otherwise. that's all i'm saying.
TG: yeah bullshit
TG: cal is dope
TG: puppets are awesome
TG: john egbert blows
TG: the end
EB: yeah, more like the opposite of all those things is the thing that is true!
EB: good luck with your bro.
Oh look, a monster.
Rose, meanwhile, has inevitably encountered her mother.
[S] STRIFE!
Forget it. The front door is hopeless.
Taking the back door, you brave the stormy path to the mauloseum.
At the same time, John confronts the monster in his room.
[S] STRIFE!
Time to weaponize that sylladex!
[S] JOHN, SALVAGE YOUR WEAPON AND FIGHT ON!
You gained two levels! You are now a PLUCKY TOT.
Your max grist increases, and you gain 125 Boondollars.
NEXT CHAPTER: Insane puppets.
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