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Let's Play Homestuck
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DISCLAIMER: The following Intermission contains a lot of CONFUSING TIME BULLSHIT. Understanding this is absolutely not necessary. Just roll with it. As Droog says, you can't overthink this time stuff.
Link back to comic: Page 1154
John? Rose? Dave? Jade?
Never heard of 'em.
Intermission: Don't Bleed on the Suits
Part 1: Midnight Crew
Spades Slick
Likes: Licorice scotty dogs
Dislikes: Clocks, the Felt, humans, the universe in general
You are the leader of the Midnight Crew. Your favorite casino was just knocked over by your rival gang, The Felt. It's payback time.
You have finally made it to the mansion of the Felt's leader, Lord English. Your goal is to reach his secret vault and obtain whatever spoils are held within.
God, you hate these things. They're all over this psychotic mansion.
You'll make a sidequest of destroying all 1000 clocks in this place.
Here's your hit list.
FELT ROSTER
Lord English
Itchy
Doze
Trace
Clover
Fin
Die
????????
Stitch
Sawbuck
Eggs
Biscuits
Cans
#8 is, of course Snowman.
But you aren't going to kill Snowman. It's out of the question.
This is an extremely convoluted plan.
Advancing, you find that apparently there was already some chaos in here. Or there will be, in the past. Time is a nebulous thing when it comes to these goons.
13 clocks destroyed.
Clubs Deuce
Likes: Licorice gummy bears
Dislikes: The Felt, thinking hard
You've captured Doze.
You're trying to get information out of him, but he's slowed down time for himself to the point that you can't do much to him. Still, he's not getting away.
And here comes Itchy, with his personal time sped way the hell up.
He's messing with your hat, dude!
Some idiot is zooming around at ridiculous speeds while wearing Deuce's hat.
That was almost depressingly easy.
FELT ROSTER
Lord English
Doze
Trace
Clover
Fin
Die
Snowman
Stitch
Sawbuck
Eggs
Biscuits
Cans
Oh god, it's Die.
This is going to get confusing now.
Due to chaos, antics, and being sort of a moron, you have somehow ended up putting a bomb on your own head.
At least you got another one on Doze.
Diamonds Droog
Likes: Swedish Fish
Dislikes: The Felt, everyone's bullshit
While you're fixing your hat situation, someone punches you in the face!
The punch seems to have come from the future.
Trace knows where you've been. He can attack you from the future via your Past Trail.
Knowing all this time bullshit, this could be anyone's blood. Maybe even yours.
Might as well follow it.
Beating the shit out of this guy is pretty satisfying.
Unfortunately, he's got a pin just for this...
By sticking pins into his voodoo doll, Die can transport himself to alternate timelines where different people are alive or dead.
This one looks pretty different.
Hearts Boxcars
Likes: Wax Lips
Dislikes: The Felt, time travel
While everyone else is fighting the Felt, you found their secret vault.
Your usual method of ripping the vault door off the wall with your bare hands is probably not going to work here.
The safe is opened by a combination entered via the hands of the clock. You can't just spin them, either - you'll actually need to alter the flow of time to open it.
Instead, you're going to get Deuce over here and blow this thing to pieces.
Wait, damn it. Biscuits is here, in his time oven.
Biscuits thinks that his time oven can send him forward in time. In reality, he just gets in, waits for a while, and gets back out.
Biscuits is a moron.
Unfortunately, Eggs is here now. Son of a fuck.
You might as well just kill yourself now and get it over with.
The blood trail ends here. Or maybe starts here. Who the hell knows.
Wait a minute... you know whose tooth that is.
Opposite of Trace, Fin always know where you will be, by following your Future Trail. He's about to attack you from the past.
Wait for it...
BAM.
You aren't 100% sure why this works, but it does.
Looks like this was Fin's blood trail you were following, in reverse.
Die realizes that the downside to "killing" Slick in this way is having to live among desert ruins for the rest of his life.
Better put your pin back i--
FELT ROSTER
Lord English
Doze
Trace
Clover
Fin
Snowman
Stitch
Sawbuck
Eggs
Biscuits
Cans
NEXT TIME: Even more time travel bullshit!
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