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Quinn ([personal profile] prof) wrote2011-11-23 05:04 pm
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Let's Play Hivebent


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Link back to comic: Page 1989

[ BGM - Crustacean ]



On a world so far from Earth that the distance lacks any meaning.

A world called Alternia...



A young troll stands in his respiteblock, on the day six solar sweeps from his birth.

What is his name?



Listen, this guy has better things to do than listen to you make up stupid insult names for him. There are a lot of trolls, and we don't have time to go through every cliche'd gag with every one.

Get the hell on with it.




Karkat Vantas
carcinoGeneticist
Interests: Terrible romcoms, programming, being angry, games
Fetch Modus: Encryption




Your Encryption Modus locks all cards you pick up in Card Vaults, which can only be accessed by a skilled hacker.

It is basically the worst fetch modus ever.



You step out of your room, giving us a good view of the hive you designed yourself. Every troll designs their own hive at an early age, after they emerge victorious from the brooding trials. You have lived here with your custodian ever since.



Act 5 Act 1: MOB1US DOUBL3 R34CH4ROUND


Part 1: Attack of the Trolls



The lawnrings are empty. Blood skims the voids in your porous cranial plates, as if grazing the hollow of a threshed stem, or say, an abandoned cocoon. A sour note is produced. It's the one Agitation plays to make its audience squirm.

It is your sixth wriggling day, and as with all five preceding it blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Look.



You don't have time for fancy poetry. Frankly you don't know about things skimming voids or grazing hollows or whatever. You've got AMBITION. You were meant to be a bigshot.You just haven't found the dominion in which you're destined for greatness yet. Or even a vague concept of it. You haven't found your purpose. But you will tonight.

You have a feeling it's going to be a long night.



Oh god, already? You can't get any shit done with all these chumps harassing you. Better see what this asshole wants.

terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]


TC: wHaT iS uUuUuP mY iNvErTeBrOtHeR?

CG: WHAT IN THE SWEET ALMIGHTY TAINTCHAFING FUCK DO YOU WANT.
CG: I REALLY CAN'T STAND YOU AND I HATE HOW YOU TYPE, IT JUST BOTHERS ME SO MUCH, HAVE I MENTIONED THAT?

TC: YoU SaY iT pReTtY mUcH eVeRy TiMe We TaLk YeAh.
TC: but uh, i don't have to...
TC: uhhh see?
TC: but i mean man this feels so motherfuckin unnatural and shit.
TC: YoU jUsT gOt To Be GoInG wItH wHaT fEeLs RiGhT aT wHeRe YoUr HeArT's Up In, YoU kNoW?
TC: bEsT fRiEnD.

CG: I WONDER WHAT KIND OF SHITTY THING I DID TO DESERVE SUCH AN AWFUL BEST FRIEND.

TC: It'S sUcH a BeAuTiFuL tHiNg.
TC: ThIs TrOlL dIsEaSe CaLlEd FrIeNdShIp.

CG: FRIENDSHIP ISN'T A DISEASE SHITSPONGE.

TC: iT's A mIrAcLe.

CG: OH NO, DON'T.
CG: DON'T START WITH THE MIRACLES AGAIN.

TC: MaN eVeRyWhErE i LoOk...
TC: aLlS i SeE iS mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrAcLeS.
TC: oK lIkE jUsT bE tAkIn tHiS fUcKiN tItS bOtTlE oF fUcKiN fAyGo I jUsT cRaCkEd Up OpEn.
TC: AnD hOw It'S bEiNg AlL lIkE hIsSiNg AnD sHiT.
TC: mOtHeRfUcKiN hIsSiNg MaN, wHo WeNt AlL aNd ToLd It To Do ThAt?

CG: TRY GETTING SCHOOLFED SOME TIME INSTEAD OF SLURPING DOWN THAT WEIRD SWILL ALL DAY AND FONDLING YOUR STUPID HORNS.

TC: No No BrO, i DoN't WaNnA kNoW, dOn'T eVeN tElL mE.
TC: kNoWiNg ShIt JuSt StEaLs Up AlL tHe FuCkIn MaGiC fRoM mY mIrAcLeS lIkE a MoThErFuCkIn ThIeF.
TC: iT's LiKe, AlRiGhT, cOmPuTeRs, RiGhT?
TC: WhAt ThE fUcK?
TC: mIrAcLeS iS wHaT.

CG: FUCK YOU.
CG: FUCK YOU FOR ME JUST READING THAT.

TC: AnYwAy WhAt'S uP wItH yOuR bAd SeLf, FoR sErIoUs HeRe.
TC: i HeArD sOmEtHiNg bIg WaS gOiNg AlL dOwN.

CG: STOP SAYING ALL. ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT TA'S THING?
CG: MAYBE I'LL TALK TO HIM TONIGHT ABOUT IT. MAYBE I WON'T.

TC: aAaUuUhHh...
TC: Aw BrO nEvErMiNd, I jUsT fUcKiN dId LiKe To ScArE tHe ShIt OuTtA mYsElF hErE.
TC: tHeSe DaMn HoRnS.

CG: YOU'VE GOT TO GET RID OF THOSE THINGS.
CG: THEY MAKE IT MORE EMBARRASSING TO KNOW YOU.
CG: WHICH IS A FRIGGIN MIRACLE THAT THAT'S EVEN POSSIBLE.

TC: MaN yOu KnOw YoU wAnNa GiVe My HoRnS a GoOd SqUeEzE. :o)

CG: ACTUALLY YOU KNOW WHAT WILL BE THE MIRACLE TO END ALL MIRACLES?
CG: IT'LL BE IF I EVER MEET A KID I DESPISE MORE THAN YOU.
CG: THAT WILL MAKE ME A MOTHERFUCKIN CONVERT.





Whoa, were you getting used to being that other guy?

Well, now you're all being this guy instead. Miracles, man.




Gamzee Makara
terminallyCapricious
Interests: Miracles, clowns, obscure cults, unicycles, faygo, horns, games
Fetch Modus: Miracle




You have absolutely no idea how this thing works. And that's just how you like it.



You aren't supposed to eat Sopor Slime. It does things to a troll's head.

Unfortunately for you, you had a pretty shitty upbringing, and never learned about that. It's so delicious.



One of your awesome friends is contacting you, but your computer is stuck up in your miracle modus! You have no idea how to get it back out.

Maybe you can just... reach over, and...



gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]


GC: H3Y G4MZ33Z YOU W4NT TO PL4Y G4M3Z3Z W1TH M3??

TC: hEy YeAh ThAt SoUnDs LiKe ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN sHiT's BiTcHtItS!
TC: bUt CaN wE pLaY a LiTtLe LaTeR?
TC: I'm OuTsIdE kEePiNg An EyE oUt HeRe FoR tHe OlD gOaT.
TC: yOu KnOw HoW iT iS wItH fAmIlY.

GC: NO, NOT R34LLY!
GC: 4DURRRR DURR DURP

TC: Oh YeAh...

GC: W4Y TO GO, HOW DO3S TH4T STUP1D BOTTL3D SYRUP OF YOURS T4ST3 W1TH YOUR HOOF SO F4R UP YOUR MOUTH???

TC: sOoOoOoOrY.
TC: AnYwAy I'lL gO iNsIdE iN a WhIlE, wHy DoN't YoU gEt KaRkAt To FiRe Up ThAt MoThErFuCkEr WiTh YoU?

GC: OH NOOOOO.
GC: GOD C4N YOU 1M4G1N3 4LL TH3 B1TCH1NG 4ND MO4N1NG?

TC: AlRiGhT, wElL i'Ll TrY tO gEt In AnD gEt Up On My ChIlL rEaL sOoN aNd We CaN pLaY.
TC: jUsT gIvE mE a MiNuTe!

GC: BULLSH1T!
GC: YOU KNOW YOUR3 JUST GO1NG TO S1T TH3R3 ON TH3 B34CH 4ND SP4C3 OUT 4ND LOS3 TR4CK OF T1M3.
GC: H3LLO?
GC: G4MZ?????

TC: WhAt?
TC: oH mAn SoRrY.
TC: I sPaCeD oUt, DiD yOu KnOw HoW bEaTuFuL tHe SoUnD oF tHe OcEaN iS?
TC: hAvE yOu EvEr EvEn SeEn ThE oCeAn?
TC: oR i MeAn SmElLeD iT...
TC: SoRrY.

GC: >:[





As mentioned above, you're into programming, but not very good at it.

~ATH is the most infuriating programming language ever devised. It consists entirely of infinite loops. Your asshole hacker friend wrote this program, and you have no fucking idea what it does.

What's up with that red and blue text? What does this program even mean? AUGH oh look he's talking to you right now.



twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]


TA: KK dont fliip your 2hiit about thii2 but iim 2ettiing you up two play a game wiith 2ome people.

CG: WHY WOULD I FLIP MY SHIT ABOUT THAT.
CG: HERE IS MY SHIT, AND YET IT REMAINS UNFLIPPED.
CG: JUST SITTING THERE ON THE SKILLET, GETTING BURNED ON ONE SIDE.
CG: IT'S A MIRACLE.

TA: oh no are you iinto miiracle2 now two becau2e iif you are youre fiired preemptiively from the game.

CG: FUCK NO.
CG: MIRACLES ARE LIKE POOP STAINS ON GOD'S UNDERWEAR.

TA: eheheheheh riight on but let2 2hut our mouth2 a 2econd and talk about thii2 game.
TA: well the 2hort 2tory ii2 that iit2 an iimmer2iive 2iimulatiion that you play wiith a group.
TA: the long 2tory ii2 that the fate of our ciiviiliizatiion depend2 on u2 playiing iit.

CG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE MELODRAMATIC BULLSHIT BUT COMING FROM YOU COLOR ME UNSURPRISED.
CG: SO YOU MADE THIS GAME?

TA: more liike ii adapted iit.
TA: from 2ome crazy technology AA dug out of 2ome ruiin2.
TA: havent you talked two her about iit?

CG: I CAN'T TALK TO HER, SHE'S SO SPOOKY.
CG: I DON'T KNOW WHY MOST OF OUR FRIENDS ARE SUCH PSYCHOS.

TA: probably iit2 becau2e mo2t troll2 are.
TA: iif you heard what ii heard every niight ii mean WOW FUCK.

CG: NO LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR WEIRD MUTANT BRAIN.
CG: WHY HAVEN'T YOU TOLD ME ANYTHING ABOUT THIS?

TA: KK iim 2orry but really iit2 kiind of a priivate matter between me and her and iid appreciiate iit iif that wa2 re2pected.

CG: STOP BEING SO SENSITIVE.
CG: IT'S A REPUGNANT QUALITY.

TA: youre lucky iim 2o fuckiing magnaniimou2 and chariitable cau2e otherwii2e there2 no chance iid wa2te my tiime on you.

CG: WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT, THIS ACT THAT YOU ACTUALLY THINK YOU'RE A HOTSHOT, YOU KNOW YOU HATE YOURSELF.
CG: I HATE YOU WAY MORE THAN I HATE MYSELF, AND THAT'S FUCKING SAYING SOMETHING.
CG: IN FACT I HATE YOU MORE THAN I HATE MYSELF AND YOU HATE YOURSELF AND YOU HATE ME COMBINED.
CG: JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS GAME.

TA: iim 2ett1ng up two team2.
TA: liike two 2eparate competiing team2 2o that there2 a better chance of at lea2t one group wiinniing.

CG: OK LET ME GUESS.
CG: THERE'S A RED TEAM AND BLUE TEAM, RIGHT?

TA: yeah.
TA: youre on the red team.
TA: ii wiill be the leader of the blue.

CG: OK, THEN I GUESS I CAN PICK MY TEAMMATES THEN?

TA: bro youre not the red team leader.
TA: ii piicked GC for that.

CG: OH WOW NOW I SEE.
CG: REALLY FUCKING CLEVER, PICKING THE BLIND GIRL TO LEAD THE TEAM YOUR COMPETING WITH.
CG: HOW DO YOU GET OUT OF YOUR COCOON IN THE MORNING KNOWING YOU'RE THE WORST THING A UNIVERSE WAS EVER RESPONSIBLE FOR?

TA: liike ii really giive a fuck who the red leader ii2.
TA: you want two be the leader fiine talk two GC about iit.

CG: I GUESS THESE CONVERSATIONS WE HAVE DO GET KIND OF EMBARRASSING IN RETROSPECT.
CG: ACTUALLY WHY DON'T WE MAKE A PACT TO DELETE THIS ONE FROM OUR LOGS, I'M JUST SHUDDERING HERE SCROLLING UP AND READING THIS.

TA: yeah ok.

NEXT CHAPTER: Prosecution!


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