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Let's Play Hivebent
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Act 5 Act 1: MOB1US DOUBL3 R34CH4ROUND
Part 7: Operation Regisurp
Link back to comic: Page 2296
[ BGM - Virgin Orb ]
As Aradia's server player, you were just watching some very unexpected antics go on in her world!
TO THE SHIPPING WALL
Even with your usual romantic intuition, you didn't see this one coming.
You should probably also color in Aradia to look like a robot.
CG: OK THIS IS GOING TO SOUND PREPOSTEROUS GIVEN OUR LAST CONVERSATION.
CG: AND I GUESS PRACTICALLY EVERY CONVERSATION PRECEDING IT.
CG: AND I'M PROBABLY GOING TO HAVE TO DO SOMETHING COMPLETELY DISGUSTING LIKE APOLOGIZE.
AG: You're going to ask me to join your team, aren't you.
AG: I don't seem to have much choice now! Aradia kicked me off the good team.
CG: HAHAHAHA WOW THAT IS GREAT.
CG: I APOLOGIZE TO MYSELF FOR OFFERING YOU A SHITTY MEANINGLESS APOLOGY.
CG: APOLOGY ACCEPTED, KARKAT. LET'S BURY THE THRESHER WITH A TOTALLY PLATONIC BRO BULGE BUMP.
AG: Do you really think your usual pedantic quips are going to 8ug me now????????
AG: I was just 8etrayed and a8andonded 8y my two accomplices and 8est pals, and on top of that I am soaked in the 8lood of my lusus which I just had to decapit8 myself.
CG: OK, WELL, SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT THAT.
CG: BUT I MEAN YOU CAN JUST DUMP HER CARCASS IN THE KERNEL AND BRING HER BACK STRONGER THAN EVER.
CG: NOW WHY DON'T YOU HOP IN THE TRAP, WASH THAT NASTY BLUE SHIT OFF, AND JOIN OUR FUCKING SESSION ALREADY.
AG: What! It's so rude to dict8 hygiene procedure to a lady. Under any circumstance! Even for douchey loudmouths with delusions of leadership.
AG: Anyway, you know my 8lood's the prettiest and you'd o8viously kill to have it.
CG: NO IT SUCKS.
CG: TOTALLY HAPPY WITH MINE, NICE TRY THOUGH.
AG: 8S!
AG: Why would you hide 8ehind your lame gray anonymity then?
CG: I DON'T SEE WHY IT SHOULD BE A MATTER OF PUBLIC RECORD.
CG: IT'S PRIVATE, SO EVERYONE CAN GO POINT THEIR PROBING BUSYBODY SNIFFNODES UP THEIR OWN IMPERTINENT SEED FLAPS.
CG: YOU'VE GOT TO CONNECT WITH TAVROS QUICKLY AND GET HIM IN THE SESSION BEFORE HE GETS KILLED.
AG: Uggggggggh.
AG: 8ut I h8 that guy!
CG: WHY DO YOU EVEN HATE HIM, IT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS.
CG: IF ANYTHING YOU SHOULD PITY HIM.
CG: ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU WERE THE ONE WHO PARALYZED HIM.
AG: It's just a really special kind of h8! It never goes away and it doesn't make a lot of sense.
CG: THIS IS KIND OF A WEIRD TIME TO BE CONFIDING IN ME ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS OF BLACK ROMANCE BUT OK.
AG: Oh god, what?
CG: I MEAN IF YOU'RE REALLY IMPLYING TAVROS IS YOUR KISMESIS I THINK YOU'RE BRAYING UP THE WRONG FROND NUB.
CG: OK, MOST PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T HAD THEIR LOBE STEM CAUTERIZED ARE CAPABLE OF FEELING THE TWO PRIMARY EMOTIONS, HATE AND PITY.
CG: PITY IS OF COURSE JUST THE TONED DOWN VERSION OF THE CENTRAL EMOTION, HATE.
CG: AND ALL THE NUANCES OF PITY MANIFEST AS VARIOUS OTHER KINDS OF FEELINGS LIKE WHATEVER CHEMICAL REACTIONS TRIGGER MATING FONDESS OR THE MYSTERIOUS FORCES THAT ARE BEHIND MOIRALLEGIANCE.
CG: BUT SEE, YOU'RE TOO HEAVY ON THE HATE SIDE, OR AT LEAST YOU PRETEND TO BE WHICH IS MAYBE WORSE.
CG: AS SUCH THERE'S NO REAL SUBSTANCE TO YOUR HATE, IT'S LIKE A CARDBOARD MOVIE PROP.
CG: AND I DON'T SEE ANYONE CHOMPING AT THE BIT TO BE YOUR MOIRAIL HONESTLY, UNLESS THERE'S SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO WOULD ACTUALLY BOTHER PITYING YOU.
CG: AND LANDING A MATESPRIT? HAHAHAHA!
AG: Are you done?
CG: THIS IS FASCINATING, TELL ME HOW THE FUCK THIS ISN'T FASCINATING.
AG: Argh, ok! Man! Just let me connect to stupid 8oy-Dum8fuck so I don't have to listen to this anymore!
CG: YOU JUST HAVE TO GET IN HERE ASAP BECAUSE I REALLY NEED YOUR MIND POWERS.
AG: What for?
CG: I RAN INTO SOMEONE HERE.
CG: A SORT OF DOUBLE AGENT I GUESS.
CG: HIS NAME IS JACK.
CG: HE WANTS TO WORK TOGETHER WITH US TO OVERTHROW THE BLACK QUEEN.
CG: BUT WE'VE GOT TO HURRY AND GET STARTED ON THIS THING, OR IT COULD GET KIND OF AWKWARD.
CG: BUT IT'S OK, I THINK HE'S PRETTY MUCH SETTLED DOWN.
AG: Settled down?
CG: WELL, HE STABBED ME ONCE.
CG: HE'S COOL, IT'S FINE I DON'T REALLY MIND THE STABBING, IT WAS ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING.
CG: IN ANY CASE I THINK HE'S PROBABLY ALL STABBED OUT.
AG: Oh, man.
AG: Since you're 8leeding I should ask Terezi what color your 8lood is.
CG: SHE CAN'T SEE ME OR SMELL ME OR ANYTHING, I'M WAY OUT OF MY HIVE SOMEWHERE ELSE ON THE PLANET.
CG: ANYWAY THAT WHOLE FEATURE SEEMS TOTALLY INVASIVE AND LARGELY POINTLESS TO ME, SO JUST FORGET IT.
AG: Fine, I'll be right there.
AG: Just try not to lose too much of your mystery blood and die.
Minutes in the past, but not many...
You are now the Alternian Session's Jack Noir.
You found the kid you're looking for, but he wouldn't shut up. You had to stab him, and now he's flipping out about the color of his blood for some reason.
Apparently he's the only person on the planet with this mutant red blood. You'd better find a way to shut him up about it.
You are now in cahoots.
A complex plan is assembled to overthrow the Black Queen.
As long as the Black Queen wears her ring, she gains the powers of everything that's been prototyped thus far. Earlier, Aradia prototyped the head of a frog statue, giving all the minions of Derse the likeness of a frog.
The Queen so detests the vile creatures that she isn't wearing the ring at all, rendering her vulnerable to a surprise attack.
The plan is ultimately a complete success. The Black Queen ends her reign exiled on the surface of distant future Alternia.
There, she is given a new purpose, and a new name.
She becomes Snowman.
Ultimately, when the two teams are completed, a strange pattern develops. Prototypings in the red session begin to affect monsters in the blue session, and vice versa.
The reason for this is simple.
There was only one session from the start.
When the last two links were made, instead of completing the two teams, the teams were united into a single massive session.
However, looking at this, we can see that there are still three trolls left unintroduced...
Kanaya Maryam
grimAuxiliatrixInterests: Sunlight, landscaping, rainbow drinkers, fashion, games
Fetch Modus: Chastity
Wardrobifier cycle: Check.
New mysterious friends talking to you: Check.
cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]
CC: KANAYA )(I!
CC: Glub glub glub glub glub!
CC: 38)
GA: You Seem More Excited Than Usual
GA: Or Less
GA: I Cant Tell
CC: I AM -EXCIT-ED!
CC: -Everyt)(ing we are about to do next is exciting.
CC: I am just worked up about t)(is game, it will be great.
GA: I Have Been Cloaked In A Mood Of Perpetual Anticipation For Some Time As Well
CC: We s)(ould compare notes. Even t)(oug)( we are on different teams!
GA: What Notes Would You Like To Submit For Comparison
CC: Well I am going to join my team pretty late.
CC: I t)(ink I )(ave to!
CC: I will need to connect after my goofball moirail does so I can keep my goggles on )(is nefarious escapades.
CC: Isnt t)(at w)(at youre doing too? Joining late to keep an eye on yours?
GA: I Dont Know For A Fact That She Is Mine
CC: Your clouds tell you everyt)(ing so w)(at do you even )(ave to worry about?
GA: They Dont Tell Me Everything
GA: Just As I Am Sure She Doesnt Whisper Everything To You
CC: O)( s)(ucks now Im going to get sad.
CC: S)(e will be gone soon. 38(
CC: T)(oug)( I guess it will be a relief not to )(ave to worry about keeping )(er voice down anymore!
CC: On t)(at note I t)(ink Im going to go say goodbye to )(er. Maybe you s)(ould too w)(ile you )(ave t)(e c)(ance!
CC: KANAYA BY----------------------------E!
cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]
Your lusus has died.
This is no surprise to you, though. You knew her time was soon.
From within her body, you procure the Matriorb.
Someone's calling you again.
caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]
CA: kan make her talk to me do somethin
CA: your no good connivvin fuckin backstabbin girl crush
GA: Overstating Our Relationship Wont Make Me Feel Very Cooperative
CA: so help me out tell her to talk to me i think she blocked me you got to
GA: I Dont Got To And Every Time You Take My Help For Granted I Feel Like I Got To A Little Less
CA: wwhatEVVER you are so the vvillage twwo wwheel devvice wwhen it comes to auspisticing
CA: you cant let a grudge go by you wwont stick your busy stem betwwixt so get wwith the program fussyfangs
GA: Has It Occurred To You She May Have Blocked You Because You Are Vvery Ovverbearing
GA: I Just Said That Aloud Now In Your Silly Accent And Had A Private Moment Of Enjoyment
CA: i figure if youre going to auspisticize any twwo brinesuckers wwho sneer at each other a funny wway you might as wwell make it official and be ours right
CA: she made me somethin per a prior arrangement
GA: What Is It
CA: kan stupid wwhat do you think its a fuckin gizmo to bloww up the wworld or somethin
CA: ok wwell not that obvviously
CA: but somethin thatll kill all land dwwellers wwhat else wwould i be after
GA: Can You Just For A Moment Entertain The Thoughts Of One Untouched By Megalomaniacal Derangement And Tell Me Why Id Want To Assist You With That
CA: im not goin to vvery wwell kill you am i that wwould be fuckin unconscionable
CA: wwhat kind of friend wwould i be
GA: Also Speculate For A Moment That Self Preservation Might Not Be What Would Sway My Decision
CA: you could either play along as our auspistice and do a little mediating like you wwere fuckin hatched to
CA: or wwatch she and me devvolvve into fuckin full fledged kismesisses the kind like you dont get once in ten thousand swweeps
GA: Its Just
GA: Laborious Listening To This
GA: But You Really Should Know By Now The World Will End Tonight Regardless
GA: Land And Sea Dwellers Alike Will All Die
GA: Because Of The Game We Are About To Play
CA: ordinarily id call bullshit on terrible stinkin bs like that but i knoww you dont really lie about stuff
CA: so did your clouds tell you that
GA: No Not Exactly
GA: I Have Another Source
CA: ok wwell you are jacked tight the fuck into this thing in so many wways i dont knoww wwhat to say anymore
CA: she and me are teammates wwevve got to havve a powwwwoww or SOMETHING
GA: You Arent Actually On The Same Team
CA: fuck
CA: fine i get it ill step off
CA: you dont wwant to be our auspistice cause you dont wwant to get locked into that sort of relation wwith her i can respect that
CA: but its cool its totally fine dont wworry ill leavve you alone and givve you a shot
GA: Its Unbelievable
GA: Her Patience
CA: wwhoa wwait wwho
CA: ok wwait did she talk to you today
CA: wwhat did she say
CA: can you copy exactly wwhat she said
GA: Absolutely Not
GA: Shes Just A Concerned Moirail
CA: awwww fuck
CA: see im tellin you
CA: you got to play your cards right
CA: you can just splash into the moirail zone before you knoww wwhich wways upwward
CA: kan its hard
GA: What
CA: being a kid and growwing up
CA: its hard and nobody understands
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]
As you told CA, you do indeed have another source.
A transmitter deep in the Furthest Ring.
The transmitter tells the story of tentacleTherapist, an alien from another session of the game you're playing. She was clearly the leader of their team, and it was her leadership that brought them from the throes of inevitable defeat into certain victory. You wish you could have talked to her, but she probably died millenia ago.
It would never cross your mind to think that she might have failed.
In the Land of Sand and Zephyr...
arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]
AG: Taaaaaaaavros!
AG: Go outside and look at what I 8uilt for you! You are going to FLIP!
AT: oKAY,
AT: i THINK THIS, iS,
AT: pROBABLY MEANT TO ANTAGONIZE ME,
AG: What are you talking a8out. Look at my 8eatiful 8uilding. Don't you think it's a8out time someone got a little cre8tive with this game????????
AG: You don't want to 8reak your truce with me, do you Tavros?
AG: Gr8. Now get clim8ing!
AT: iT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO DO THAT, mOSTLY,
AT: wHY DON'T YOU, iN LIKE,
AT: a NOT BORING WAY, bUILD,
AT: mORE INCLINED SURFACES, lIKE YOU DID OVER THERE,
AG: My stair structure is lovely and I'm not changing it.
AG: Now hop out of your wheel device and get clim8ing!!!!!!!!
AG: Or crawling. Whatever! Stop 8eing so helpless. It's pathetic.
AT: i JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND, wHY,
AT: wE CAN'T DO THIS THE EASY WAY,
AG: What good would that do you?
AG: Whatever the purpose of this game is, it makes you work hard for it!
AG: That way you 8ecome stronger along the way and you are 8etter prepared for whatever's next.
AG: You're lucky you have me as a server player, so I can challenge you and help you get strong.
AG: Now hop out of that seat and get clim8ing! I will deliver the device to you once you are at the top.
AG: Clim8, Pupa!
AG: Cliiiiiiiiim8!
AT: mAYBE i SHOULD ASK TINKERBULL ABOUT THIS,
AG: God. Pathetic.
AG: This is getting frustrating.
AG: Why did I have to get stuck with the cripple? Just my luck.
AG: Do you have any idea how inconvenient this is? Do you have any sympathy for what I'm dealing with here?
AG: You're so inconsider8. You just sit there looking smug. It's infuri8ing to look at you.
AG: You haven't even thanked me! Or apologized for that matter!!!!!!!!
AG: uHHHHHHHH THANKS VRISKA, fOR sAVING UHH MY LIFE,
AG: uMMMMM IT SURE WAS 8RAVE AND HEROIC AND PRETTY OF YOU,
AG: aLSO uMMM dUHHH,,,, uMMM,,, i AM SORRY FROM THE 8OTTOM OF MY NOOK,,,,,,,,,,
AG: Seriously, how hard would that have 8een?
AT: sORRY FOR WHAT,
AG: For 8eing crippled, you ass!
AG: Say you're sorry.
AT: i DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE, oR bORING,
AT: bUT THAT'S RIDICULOUS, gIVEN,
AT: uH, tHE CIRCUMSTANCES,
AG: 8ullshit!
AG: Now get down on your useless wo88ly knees and apologize.
AG: Apologize, Pupa!
AG: Apologiiiiiiiize!!!!!!!!
AG: Say you're sorry for being a cripple! Wheeeeeeee!
AG: Aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!
That's it. It's time to summon up the fury that is RUUUFIIIOOOOOO
Unfortunately, Rufio is imaginary, and accordingly can't actually do anything.
You continue to be sad and alone.
GA: Just Presenting A Floating Reminder That Tavros Will Need Plenty Of Inclined Surfaces For His Ascent
AG: That lousy snitch! May8e I should take his computer away so he can't go crying to fussyfangs anymore.
GA: Maybe I Should Upend This Load Gaper Over Your Head
AG: Fine.
AG: I'll do something NICE.
AG: And for the record, I was going to do this anyway! I was just trying to make him a 8etter player first.
AG: In the meantime, how a8out I serve my client player the way I think is 8est, and you can do the same for yours????????
GA: I Thought I Was
You alchemize Tavros a sweet ride.
PCHOOOOO
Much later...
AG: I have determined from your consorts that there is a terri8le monster deep underground.
AG: It guards a hoard of treasure 8igger than either of us can imagine!
AG: It is called a denizen, and it is the 8oss of your whole planet.
AG: Tavros, you will go and face your denizen.
AT: uM, tHANKS,
AT: i MEAN, i RESPECT THAT YOU HAVE LOTS OF,
AT: pIRATEY BRAVADO ABOUT STUFF, aND YOU TYPE FAST ABOUT IT,
AT: bUT i THINK THIS IS FOOLISH AND NOT SENSIBLE,
AT: i WILL PROBABLY JUST GET KILLED, rEALISTICALLY,
AG: May8e you can rally a huge army to 8end to your will and overwhelm the monster???????? Who knows! It is up to you.
AG: This is it, Tavros. It is time to sink or swim.
AT: iT'S JUST HARD TO FIGURE OUT,
AT: iF YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA STRATEGICALLY,
AT: oR IF IT'S JUST MORE OF THE THING, wHERE YOU HARASS ME BUT SOUND EXCITED ABOUT IT,
AG: Tavros, I know no8ody 8elieves me a8out this, pro8a8ly not even a gulli8le dope like you.
AG: 8ut I actually care a8out your advancement as a player.
AT: i STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE, aBOUT THAT,
AG: Ugh, you are useless!
AG: I'm done talking a8out this. Now shut up and point that cherry vehicle of yours toward the X on that map.
AG: This isn't optional. You know very well that I can make you go to that g8 whether you want to or not!
AT: oKAY,
AT: i WILL GO,
AG: Oh one last thing.
AG: Equip your 8oy-Skylark outfit.
AG: This will 8e Pupa's last stand!
AG: I mean sit.
AG: Hahahahahahahaha.
Tavros advances through the second gate, to the Land of Maps and Treasure, where Vriska is waiting.
Oh, my! It appears that Pupa Pan has flown in through your window. He must be looking for his shadow!
Being a pathetic cripple, he will need your help.
A pinch of Special Stardust ought to make the boy walk again! Or maybe not. You don't know a damn thing about Pupa Pan.
It doesn't seem to have worked. Maybe it's because that wasn't actually magic dust at all. OR MAYBE it's because Pupa Pan failed to have a happy thought!
Then it's clear.
You will have to MAKE Pupa Pan have happy thoughts.
NEXT TIME: What's all this troll romance bullshit about?
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