prof | Let's Play Umineko, Episode 1 Scene 1: The Family Conference

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In a vast, extravagant study, an old man undergoes a medical examination.

The old man's health is deteriorating. This is partially due to his own vices, and partially due to the inexorable march of time.

The doctor insists that he quit drinking. As a compromise, the old man asks the butler for a slightly watered-down drink.

Two old friends at the end of a long road.

Nanjo gives a frank estimation of how long his patient has to live. He asks for specifics, so the old doctor uses their ongoing chess game as an analogy.

The clock is ticking. Kinzo is not long for this world.

There are things to be taken care of, such as the writing of a will.

However, Kinzo refuses to entertain the notion. Whether it be money, regrets, or last words, there is nothing Kinzo wishes to leave to the world as he leaves it.

Such are the terms of the contract he made with the Witch.

What little work Kinzo has left to impose on the world, it must be done now. After death, there is nothing.

There is only one thing left in the world he desires.

Video: Opening

Umineko no Naku Koro ni is an episodic series of eight visual novels, written by Ryukishi07 and released by 07th Expansion. It continues in the tradition of writers such as Agatha Christie and John Dickson Carr with a murder mystery the likes of which the world has never seen.

There is, of course, much, much more to it than a simple murder mystery, but let that suffice as a description for now. One cannot easily explain what Umineko is with just a few sentences.

Ground rules of the LP:

Updates will be on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. If I have a lot of backlog, I might do bonus updates.
This is a summary LP. I am not capturing every word of the original text. Instead, I hope to compress it to a more palatable size.
There is to be no spoilers in the discussion surrounding this LP. If it hasn't happened yet, don't talk about it. Period.
Readers are encouraged to discuss the events as they have been presented, and try to solve the mystery before the solution is revealed. Discussion can take place on plurk or in the comments below each post.

Okay, that's established. Let's begin.

It's that time of year again! The family is headed to Rokkenjima. The trip used to be by boat, but this year it's by plane.

Our protagonist has a weak point when it comes to vehicles. The boat ride was always a difficult one, but this tiny plane doesn't look much better.

You're going to have to get used to the weirdness of the translation. Especially in the first episode.

Anyway, our first character introductions!

Ushiromiya Battler
Age: 18
Main Character
Relation to the patriarch: Son of the third child

Ushiromiya George
Age: 23
Battler's cousin
Relation to the patriarch: Son of the second child

The two cousins catch up on lost time. Battler's only sibling is a much younger sister, so he tends to think of George like an older brother.

Battler expresses his relentless fixation on his height (nearly six feet).

The Ushiromiya family has weird naming sense. They're Japanese, but cram together semi-legit Japanese name kanji in ways that form western names.

Battler's is even weirder - his name uses the characters for "fight" and "person", and... I guess that's what a Battler would be.

Turns out Battler's prophecy came true.

Ushiromiya Eva
Age: 50
George's mother
Relation to the patriarch: Second child

Ushiromiya Hideyoshi
Age: ??
Eva's husband
Relation to the patriarch: Son-in-law

These are George's parents! Hideyoshi is a rags-to-riches company president and an awesome uncle. Eva has teased Battler relentlessly for his entire remembered life.

Ushiromiya Kyrie
Age: ??
Battler's step-mother
Relation to the patriarch: Daughter-in-law

Battler wonders if Rudolf died a horrible death on the way to the bathroom. They don't seem to get along very well.

Kyrie is Battler's birth dad's second wife. He's never gotten the hang of calling her 'mom', because they got to know each other fairly late, so they act more like friends than family.

Kyrie seems to have learned how to dress by studying Final Fantasy characters. It's far from the weirdest outfit we'll see.

Ushiromiya Rudolf
Age: 40
Battler's father
Relation to the patriarch: Third child

Rudolf is Battler's dad, and also his primary height rival. Their relationship is strained, but not actively dysfunctional. Probably.

Trolling and martial arts fly in various directions. This family seems to really have their shit together.

The youngest, Ange, isn't going to be coming. She's sick, so travel wouldn't be easy for her right now.

The adults are caught up in their own discussions, so Battler's mind is free to return to his impending plane flight.

The annual family conference is held every October, so the weather is often bad for travel.

Yup, still getting along swimmingly.

However much they try to be mature adults, the family conference brings out the squabbling siblings in their generation.

George is very accomplished for his age. He went through college while he was learning to become a business god-emperor at his father's company.

Battler, meanwhile, is... well, he's enjoying himself, at least.

He is a young man with no aspirations for the future, and not a whole lot going on in the present, either.

Anyway, some more of the family has shown up.

Ushiromiya Maria
Age: 9
Battler's cousin
Relation to the patriarch: Daughter of the fourth child

Ushiromiya Rosa
Age: 35
Maria's mother
Relation to the patriarch: Fourth child

The prophecy continues to unfold. That's two now.

The last time Maria saw Battler, she was three years old. She doesn't remember him at all.

She is a strange child. She talks like someone much younger than she is. I wonder why that is.

However, after some initial confusion, she seems to be taking to her enormous cousin.

Maria's mother, Rosa, is the only member of the clan who doesn't seem to have inherited her father's troll blood.

That's... that's metaphorical trolling. He's not actually part mythical beast.

Probably.

But enough exposition! The rest of the family will be waiting once we reach the island. For now, it's time to board a plane.

We're the only ones on this plane, actually. It's the Ushiromiya express.

As the boarding begins, Battler establishes himself to be the most together of guys.

Well, at least there probably won't be any shaking of the aircraft. That's probably just Battler's overactive imagination.

Probably.

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