Let's Play Umineko, Episode 3: Tea Party

[prof]

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BGM: Organ Short No. 600 Million in C Minor

I searched all over the place for a piece fitting for a game with you. I was sure that you'd like it.



Normally?! I don't get it, it was that character's first appearance, wasn't it?! If she doesn't say her name, I won't, the players won't, everyone won't understand, right?!
Beato, it's all right if you don't tell her. Isn't she a funny kid?
Hmm. Lady Lambdadelta's naivete truly is precious. Hahahahaha!
Why why why won't you tell me, you meanie?! In exchange, I'll teach you a special secret that only I know, so tell me!
Hoh. A special secret, you say? I want to hear it!
Bleah! If you want me to tell you, first tell me who that girl really was! The secret I know sure is awesome! It's about as awesome as knowing that Santa is actually daddy! Oops, I said it☆ Sorry, I'll bet you're so shocked that it turned your world upside-down! Ohohohoho!
...Your father was the one who came to your place, Lambda?
He came... wait, what do you mean?
Lord Santa Claus only visits the homes of children with clean hearts. He didn't come to your place, did he?
Well, Lord Santa Claus is gracious. Unless you are a reeeally bad scoundrel, he will give you a present. After all, he even gave them to me!
As you grow old and your heart hardens, he stops coming, doesn't he? How old were you, Beato, when he stopped coming?
When I was about 12. My maiden's heart awoke, and I quickly got embarrassed about Lord Santa coming. After I wrote 'Thanks for everything, that's enough, so make sure you splurge on the last presents', he stopped coming. Ooh, and I was looking forward to it, too! How old were you when he stopped coming, Lady Bernkastel?
It happened fairly early. I think I was about 9. Something about that beard really irritated me, so I waited in my futon with some sewing scissors ready, trying to cut it off. What a painful age.
So as long as she can remember, Lord Santa Claus has never come to see Lady Lambdadelta? He usually comes until the last year of elementary school or so.
Maybe we should have a doctor look at her. I hear that being too precocious can have a bad influence on the growth of mind and body.



Wahahahaha, it truly is boisterous when three witches gather!
If you're talking about that level of secret, can I go now? I have to prepare for the next game.
Hey, wait a sec! Tell me who that woman really was!
Tell me this special secret first. If it's good enough, then I'll tell you.
Hohohoho! All right, I'll tell you. Remember, in this game, there was a girl who found the gold and became the new witch, right?
Hmm. What kind of secret could that person have?
Eheheheheheh! I noticed who that girl actually is. Does anyone know? There was a hint in the way she talked. Remember, that girl said it a lot, right? 'Why don't you somethiiing?' Yes, that phrase is the main point!



I didn't notice that! To think that there would be a hint in a place like that.
Nice job playing along with her, Beato. This kid's getting arrogant, so calm her down. I'm leaving.
Wait, wait! It's not fair if you just listen to my secret and don't tell me yours! Tell me who she really was!



Waaaaaaaaaahh, don't say it! I'm still playing it!



I shall call for some after preparing for the next game. Until then, feel free to polish up your strategy at your leisure.
Yes, I'll do that. This last game was pretty interesting. Later.
Hey, wait a sec, tell me!



My, my, you two really are close.
Yes that's right. Oh, I really like you, Bernkastel. You could even say I love you. I want to gouge out your eyes so that you can see no one other than me. Oh, that would be truly wonderful. It'd be wonderful to dunk them in black tea. Ha!
To think that you would be so entranced, Lady Lambdadelta. Still, this last game was close! I was a breath away from getting Battler.
Beato, can I ask you something?
What is it? I won't tell you that girl's name!



BGM: Mirage Coordinator

You know, I'm supporting you because you're supposed to be a witch who can win against Bernkastel. If you don't have the power to win against her, then I'll abandon you at any time.
How harsh of you. What about me dissatisfies you? As you know, my Lady, the game board is perfect. Lady Bernkastel will never be able to win.
Yes, that's right. Your board truly is impressive. It's a perfect board that Bernkastel definitely can't beat in a hundred years, or even a thousand years.
That's why, in exchange for letting me borrow that, I made you a witch. If I stop being your guardian, you'll immediately go back to being human. Make sure you don't forget that no matter how much magical power you hold, you are nothing more than a temporary witch.
I... I understand. I am grateful to you.
Don't speak so casually. I'll forgive that when Bernkastel's around, but I won't when she isn't. Recently, maybe you've forgotten your debt to me.
Th-That is... not... so...
Aah, you're as disgusting as I thought. You can talk the same way as usual, but be mindful of what you say. I have a surprisingly short temper, see?
Ah...
Let's return to what we were discussing. Your game board truly is perfect. You should be able to defeat Bernkastel without any trouble, but that kid won't surrender easily. She'll challenge you over and over.
That is no problem. It has been certified by you, Lady Lambdadelta. My game board is perfect.



What do I mean? You play a lot in your game. At first, I thought you were speaking in riddles for Bernkastel's sake as part of your tactics, but I get the feeling that's not quite true. Rather than toying with the opponent in a match you can win, you don't care whether you win or lose.
R... Ridiculous... how could that be...
You know what? Your role is to make Bernkastel surrender. In other words, that means being the victor in this game for all eternity. As long as you keep trying to become the certain victor, I will give you my power as the Witch of Certainty.
However, if you fight in a way that doesn't deny any possibility of your loss, that's a different story.
Of course, this is a game... In the same way that Lady Bernkastel will lose if I win, there will be some days on which I will lose and she will win. The possibility of loss always exists--
This is why you're useless. There's no need for this to be a game board for you. It's all right if this is a bird cage to lock Bernkastel up here for all eternity.
What's the role of a bird cage? Making sure the little bird inside certainly never escapes. What's a cage worth if it has cracks that sometimes let a bird out?
O-Of course, games exist to be won, so it is impossible for me to lose. Therefore, I will continue to win... as you wish, for all eternity...
Good answer, that's right. I'll allow you to play around and use fakes as part of your tactics. It was sometimes useful in this last game. But you know? If you make a move hoping for anything other than victory, prepare yourself, okay?
I-I will not do such a thing... I swear it!
Originally, you weren't even a witch, and what a truly shabby creature you were. If you betray my expectations, you can look forward to a fun, fun punishment game. In this world of billions of Fragments, I'll send you to the most miserable Fragment and seal you there. You were miserable in the first place, so it'll be worth choosing a really miserable Fragment. Hahahahahaha!



And when you surrender, I'll train you so that you can't do anything other than cry in the palm of my hand.




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