Let's Play Umineko Chiru, Episode 5 Scene 3: The Illusion of the Witch

[prof]

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Ushiromiya Battler

The man designated to be Beato's opponent in the first four games. In the 5th game, he is displeased that Lambdadelta has taken over as the Game Master, so he does not participate as a player.

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BGM: White Shadow



It's almost a pity that the conference is today. There's no time to admire the flowers.



Come to think of it, is it really safe for Kinzo to be walking around like this?



I mean, he's dead, after all.

The relatives are en route as we speak. It would be good to get Kinzo back to his study.



Natsuhi will splendidly conduct the family conference without Kinzo's supervision.



The retired head leaves everything in her hands.

If Kinzo is seen by any of the guests, the magic will disappear at once. She must be careful to keep him hidden.



Under different circumstances, Natsuhi might have become a powerful witch herself.

Beato hides herself as well. Natsuhi is alone as she leaves the garden.

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BGM: Organ Short No. 200 Million in C Minor

None at all. If you have to pee, why don't you just go and do it?
What a rude thing to say. Kinzo is already dead, right? But he's walking around and talking, isn't he? Doesn't that mean this is magic?! Well, I doubt a move like this would work on you, Bern... but what about you, Battler? Isn't this weird? Don't you have to accept the existence of the magic that revived Kinzo? Hahhihhyahhyahhaaaaah!



Hehehe! Figured it out?! Then come on, how are you gonna answer, Battler? Kinzo was just out for a strooooll. Why don't you do what you usually do and start holding your head, crying 'THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!'? C'mon, use that old 'IT'S ALL USELESS' catch phrase and let me hear your classic nonsensical counterargument!



Just shut up. This isn't even a problem.



It's all because Natsuhi created a lie in an attempt to hide grandfather's death and trick her way through the family conference.
Oh? It's Natsuhi's lie?! You can revive the dead by lying? Wouldn't that make it Natsuhi's magic?
This world is like a Braun tube before you've looked in it. It's the world of the cat box before you open it. As long as Natsuhi says that she took a walk with grandfather, and as long as no one can confirm that that's a lie, it's possible to display 'Natsuhi taking a walk in the rose garden with grandfather' as Natsuhi's reality. That means it's possible for grandfather to appear.



Bravo. You're much calmer without Beato around.
Quiet. You shut up, too.
Wait a second, Battler. According to your theory, sure, it might really be possible for Kinzo to appear if Natsuhi's the only person there. If Natsuhi claims to have observed Kinzo in a world with no one except Natsuhi in it, then no one can deny it, right? But Kanon was in the same place, and he was also looking at Kinzo, right? How would you explain that?
That's no problem at all. Kanon is a servant who works for the Ushiromiya family. Natsuhi probably ordered him to keep to her story so that she could hide grandfather's death. This means that just like Natsuhi, Kanon can see grandfather even though he isn't supposed to exist.
Too bad, Lambda. Battler isn't going to fall for that kind of child's play any more.
Seems so. Well, this is nothing more than an opening before the game, like an apertif before a meal.
An appetizer at a bar. Green tea at a sushi restaurant.
Shut up. So, we aren't gonna get anywhere unless I say it again in blue?
Looks like it. Would you mind?





Kinzo never came out during the previous games. He spent all his time in the study.



You even showed me a scene at the beginning of this game of Natsuhi convincing Nanjo and the rest to cover up grandfather's death. I'm not gonna fall for a cheap trick like that after all this time.
Not bad, but I was hoping for the unknown drug Purupurupikopuyo.
There's no way he'd say something so ridiculous, right? After all, supposing that such a thing exists would be just as bad as surrendering to the fantasy genre. Whether it's a virus or a drug or an illness, anything that hasn't been discovered yet is in violation of Knox's 4th Commandment.
What do you mean, 4th Commandment?



That's what I'm talking about. All of those violate the rules of a proper mystery. Supposing an unknown virus, an unknown drug, or an unknown sickness was used pits it totally in the fantasy genre. My condolences. If that was your theory, then it's game over for you. Hehehe.
H-Hey... What are you talking about?
You think you've been fighting in direct opposition to Beato, but that's not actually true. You've been fighting along with her from a slightly different angle. All this playing detective you've done hasn't been fantasy vs mystery. It's only been fantasy vs anti-fantasy.
I don't have a clue what you're talking about, but there's one thing I do get. It sounds like you're saying there's something wrong with the way I've been fighting.
We are fighting to kill the fantasy known as the Illusion of the Witch. That means interpreting this tale as a proper mystery. In other words, we have to ignore any and all elements that violate the taboos of the mystery genre.
I... Ignore, you say?
For example, several closed room murders have occurred in the games before now, right?
Yeah...
At every single crime scene, you enthusiastically check with Beato to make sure there are no hidden doors, right? That leads to a flash bunch of red truths weaving together all over the place, almost as though that itself is the battle.





So, when trying to interpret everything as a proper mystery, the whole debate over whether there are hidden doors or not is lost from the beginning, see? After all, there aren't any. As soon as you suspect that they might exist, then it's already game over for you.





...That's how it is. Hidden doors must not exist at any of the crime scenes. That means anything you do to try and check whether they exist or not is a waste of time.
...I think I know what you're talking about. I've heard about it somewhere. Is this like the ten basic rules for mystery novels or something?
Yeah, that's right. They're the ten wedges to drill into witches that Knox, the peerless archbishop of witch hunting, brandishes. Those are the true weapons with which to fight and defeat the Illusion of the Witch head on. Just like you, Bern, bringing in such a troublesome weapon. That's the great rival of the fantasy genre.
...So you desny the existence of hidden doors right from the start, without even investigating the crime scene... That sounds more like fantasy to me...
Lambda, who's in charge of the witch's side, is fantasy. I'm the one who's fighting her, mystery. What are you? You're barely anti-fantasy, and do nothing but repeatedly dodge and deny fantasy. You're opposed to absolutely everything, but you can make no counter-proposals. You're like a politician.
Shut up. I didn't come here to speak gibberish with you two. Continue the story right now!





Beato... What's wrong, are you okay...?
What do you mean, okay? You sure do say some strange things. Aren't you fighting to kill this girl? We've rewound this 5th game for your benefit, but right now, Bern has done a good job cornering her opponent and is about to break through the Illusion of the Witch. Her existence has been almost completely denied. It's only natural that she's suffering.
Even now, you smashed the Illusion of the Witch by saying there was no way Kinzo exists. This is the proof that your attack reached Beato.




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