prof | Let's Play Umineko, Episode 4: ????

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BGM: About Face

A wide variety of candies and drinks are laid out before a huge, pillow-covered bed.

On this dreamlike bed are two witches.

Wasn't Ange a good piece? After Beato ran for it, Ange dragged her back and made her resume the game. Although it is a shame that she gave Battler a little too much enthusiasm.

Because she knew Battler is weak against emotions.

Too true. He looked like he might even go easy on his enemy.

...I was uneasy that, like the last game, he might feel compassion for Beato, and take the game in a weird direction. Ange was a trump card to get Battler back on track when he mistook his goal... although I wanted her to support him a bit more before using her. She really was used right off the bat. What a waste for a piece that required so much preparation.

Eheheheh! It's a good thing she was shackled by the rule about not giving her name! If that hadn't been set up, the brother-sister tag team would have swallowed Beato up and won in the blink of an eye.

I thought it was a chance for them to press her all at once, but your mark was so restrictive that I couldn't make the best use of her. What a waste of a piece.

Isn't it obvious that such an unfair piece would have to be retired right away? Well, in the end, she did a good job of preventing the suspension of the game, and that helps me out, too. The way she acted to make both of our interests match is what made her a truly wonderful piece.

She was an innocent kid like Battler, so it was easy to get her to do as I said. Morons and impulsive types are the best for pieces. Aah, I really can't stand losing that piece.

By now, that kid's mincemeat! Hey, let's make hamburgers out of that later on☆ Oh wait, didn't you like gyoza more? I wonder what little sister tastes like. Hilarious!

Is it really all right for you to be so relaxed? Thanks to Ange, Battler's gotten all stirred up. I believe he's started a hot pursuit of Beato, making this game a big turn to my advantage, right? I mean, didn't Battler solve almost all the mysteries up until now this time?

BGM: Happy Maria! (Instrumental)

Oh, really? And I was sure that those were all correct. Well, I don't know about the small bombs, though.

Next, Kanon might have died in an accident in the boiler room but, hehehehehe! What kind of accident could drive a stake into his own chest? Are you a moron? I'll slice it with that red treasured sword.

You mustn't say something like that in red. That kid's trying to make it so that she bounced Natsuhi's bullet back with magic and killed her.

...Forget taking a quick look... You've just denied Battler's blue truth for the first and second games across the board. What a thing. If Battler heard, he'd faint.

Right? Beato wasn't cornered at all. Looks like she's a pretty good actress after all. I'm sure she planned to make it look like she was getting cornered in this game, and then sometime in the next game, bang! Slice it up with a single red stroke and make Battler shocked and surprised. And then I'm sure she'll say it again with a big smile. 'Witches never get into a pinch!' Hahahahahaha!

...Then that whole tragic feeling as though Beato was getting cornered was all an act?

Isn't it obvious? She really is a big actress! Even though she wasn't cornered at all, it felt like an astonishing, last-episode climax! She's totally the winner for best supporting actress this year! Oh, but of course, I'm the star! Or it could be you, Beeern!

At the end, she said something like 'kill me' and laid out a big riddle. Wasn't that her last stand, with Beato to be finished for good if that riddle was solved?

Hehehehehe! No way, you were tricked too, Bern? That wasn't even close to a last stand! Bato is still holding back a glaring hidden move. When she struck out both hands to give the final riddle, did you notice how only her right hand fell?

Is that what that meant?

Sure is! That kid still had plenty of hidden moves left! And none of the mysteries have been solved! That tension, as though she had been seen through and the next episode would be the last... she truly is a genius at acting. Yeah, I want to see her knock Battler down to the very bottom right away! That kid's been totally encouraged by her 'North Wind and Sun Strategy' from last time, right? I'm sure Battler will sympathize with Beato again and fall for it completely. A woman's single tear can trick a man, truly economical and profitable!

...I wonder if Battler will get caught by that move again. I must incite Battler to never again feel sympathy. Ange's mincemeat seems to have done that pretty well, though.

A power-up from an Ange-flavored hamburger? Ohohohohoho! Of course, I won't lose, either. tarting here, I'll thoroughly support Beato to rally her up enough to compete with Battler. Beato won't lose. I mean, I'm threatening her with a wonderful punishment game if she loses.

Your punishment games are seriously not cool, so you should go a little easy.

I've decided what to do for your next punishment game, Bern. Wanna hear? Wanna hear?

No.

Come ooon, ask me! Guess what? I'll lock you in a wonderful, wonderful castle. That castle will be surrounded by pure white castle walls, 12 kilometers to a side, with a hight of 10 meters. Magic and tricks are prohibited! You really couldn't jump over that, right?

1,440,000,000 cubic meters? You can stop there, I know what you're going to say.

And the place will start getting buried with gems, one every day! And I'll lock you in it until the castle walls are packed with them, and you've been buried to death with gems. Isn't that a wonderful, romantic punishment game?

If you multiply the length of the walls by five, and reduce the height to one tenth, I wouldn't mind if you shut me in it right now.

You're betting on Battler's victory, and I'm betting on an eternal tie for the two of them. Doesn't that mean no one's betting on Beato's victory?

I wouldn't. Her chances of winning are zero.

Ohohohoho! How truly pitiful, being told by the Witch of Miracles that there's no chance of a miracle! Although I wouldn't bet on her either, right? Certainly!

It's also pitiful being told by the Witch of Certainty that it's certainly no good.

I mean, think about it. Neither you nor I are betting on Beato's victory! In other words, if it looks like Beato is going to win, she'll have to deal with us two Great Witches as enemies!

That's how it goes. Our powers are most in balance only when balancing between a tie and Battler's advantage. If it tips too much in Beato's favor, both of us will line up along the same vector, and drag Beato back.

A common front with Bern, sounds fuuun!

How pitiful. That child is a living toy, a doll that you caught so that you could play with me.

I'm good at playing with dolls. I'm proud of being able to play with a single toy for hundreds of years without getting tired of it.

You're her ally at some times, and oppose her at others, toying with her for all eternity. How pitiful. That kid is our doll.

THE END

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