prof | Let's Play Homestuck

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Link back to comic: Page 248

Years in the future, but not many...

A WAYWARD VAGABOND records a stuttering step in the sun-bleached dust.

Act 2: Raise of the Conductor's Baton

Part 1: You There, Boy

Something is amiss at John's house.

Oh, dear.

The Kernelsprite divides into a Sprite and two Kernels - one light and one dark.

One kernel flies above, while the other sinks below.

There's some stuff above the house.

SYSTEM ERROR - CONNECTION WITH NARRATOR LOST RECEIVING CONNECTION FROM REMOTE USER

>YOU THERE. BOY.

>RESPOND TO YOUR FRIEND UNIT JOHN.

TT: John?
TT: Are you there?

EB: hey, yeah i'm here!
EB: and not dead i think.

TT: I know.
TT: You should have answered me sooner.

EB: oh man, sorry, i was looking around for my dad and i can't find him anywhere!
EB: have you seen him?

TT: No. I'm sure he'll turn up.
TT: We have more important things to address right now.

EB: yeah, like where am i??

TT: I don't know that either. But I've determined your neighborhood was destroyed by the meteor. Wherever you were transported, it saved you from the impact.
TT: I've been reading reports in the news. Over the last few days, there have been many smaller meteor collisions with people's homes around the world.
TT: And they seem to be getting bigger. Yours was the biggest they've identified so far.

EB: wow, ok.
EB: so then i guess if this is all the game's doing, then the point is for us to save the world?

TT: Perhaps.

EB: then we'd better get moving and figure this game out!!!

TT: Yes, but wait.
TT: We should retrieve your PDA. Yet again.
TT: It will help to keep tabs on each other while you investigate.

EB: wait, rose! one thing...

TT: What?

EB: you never even wished me a happy birthday!

TT: I was working on something to send you, but I was running late with it.
TT: I didn't want you to think I believed meager well wishes alone would suffice for the occasion.
TT: That said, happy birthday, John.

EB: haha, oh jeez, that is silly!
EB: anyway, thanks!

>THE GRIST HAS BEEN RECYCLED. DO AS THE PURPLE TEXT SAYS.

>JOHN RUN ALONG THAT PRECARIOUS PLATFORM SWIFTLY.

>THAT COULD HAVE BEEN FASTER.

>NOW TAKE IT.

>THESE BORING MEN ARE UNINTERESTING. GET ON WITH IT.

TT: John, are you ok?
TT: You seem a bit tentative.

EB: i'm fine i guess.
EB: since i got here i feel compelled to do these weird things i don't really want to do.
EB: by some kind of voice that i can't really even hear. i don't know, it is hard to explain.

TT: Perhaps the early symptoms of an anxiety disorder, like post-traumatic stress?

EB: yeah, maybe. who knows!

TT: Well, if you can pull yourself together, there are a few more things we should try.
TT: Like prototyping the Kernelsprite again, if possible.
TT: We should hurry. My laptop battery won't last forever.

EB: Ok. I will go back inside.

>DON'T DO THAT. HOP OFF THIS LEDGE ON TO THAT CAR.

Years in the future, but not many...

An unsealed tunnel welcomes hot desert air into its stagnant depths.

REMOTE CONNECTION LOST RECONNECTING TO PRIMARY NARRATOR

Hello?
There. That was weird.

Anyway, I guess we're back with Rose now.

Laptop battery is running low. There's a backup generator you can use, but it's out back, by the Mauloseum.

For now, you should help John as best you can.

The clownish prototyping has left the sprite aloof and hard to catch! It's proving hard to pin down for a second prototyping.

Maybe if you use something else...

EB: OH YES, SWEET!!
EB: now we're talking!

TT: See if you can distract it.
TT: I'll try to sneak up on it.

The sprite catches on in time to dodge the massive tome.

However, when it hits the ground, it shakes the house...

...oops.

EB: aw man, where'd it go?

TT: I can't find it anywhere in the house.
TT: No time to worry about it.
TT: The next thing we should do is get your server copy of the game from the car.
TT: We should do this quickly, before my house burns down.

EB: what, there's a fire??

TT: There will be soon.

EB: oh jeez!
EB: so move this thing already!

TT: It looks like it requires a lot of grist to move.

EB: how much do you have?

TT: Zero.

EB: oh.
EB: hmm.

TT: Meet me upstairs.

Something about this hallway is giving you an ominous feeling.

Also, someone's pestering you again.

TG: hey bro check it out im working on some new rhymes

EB: dude, i don't have time for your nerdy raps!

TG: come on this is hells of ill just listen

EB: it sounds like you don't even believe me that i was about to get blown up!
EB: but i really was, but now im in some weird dimension that sburb sent me to or something.
EB: and now on top of that i think i'm being haunted by my dead grandma!

TG: i think i could drop some sick rhymes about all this

EB: no, i have to go! bye!

TG: wait wait
TG: armageddon's gettin waged on us
TG: but im-a gettin armed and dangerous
TG: sending men in space for savin us
TG: see which playa's more couragerous
TG: ben or bruce? dudes reach a truce
TG: put their blowchutes to use and up-suck it
TG: afflecks saclifice, i mean -crifice, would have to sufflice. aw fluck it
TG: bro be a stained-glass saint, up on a cross gettin hella christ-plagiarous
TG: ash tray caterin to layers of matt maconnaheys vague remainder-dust
TG: wait
TG: uh
TG: macconahey wasnt even in any of those meteor movies was he
TG: ill have to make a rap about
TG: i dont know
TG: morgan freeman or something
TG: being the president
TG: itll be called
TG: "obama made it so that no one gives a shit about black presidents in movies anymore"

TT: I'm lifting the car up to the balcony.

EB: whoa, ok.

TT: Once it is up, retrieve the game. Then I'll put it back down on the driveway.

EB: but the door is locked!

TT: Then break a window.

EB: but it's my dad's car :(

TT: It's just a window, and this is sort of an emergency.
TT: Otherwise I promise I'll handle the car with velvet gloves.

EB: alright.

Okay, I think this should definitely work--

Augh!

GG: im back!
GG: i went to investigate the explosion i heard

EB: was it by any chance a meteor?

GG: yes!!!!!
GG: how did you know??

EB: oh man, it's kind of a long story!
EB: anyway, are you ok? did it blow up your yard or start a fire or anything?

GG: no i am fine!
GG: but bec doesnt want me to go near it
GG: he seems to think its dangerous!

EB: well gosh, he's probably right!

GG: oh!!!! did you get my package yet? :O

EB: yeah, i was trying to get it, but rose dropped my car into a weird spooky bottomless pit and the package was in the car and im really sorry about that.

GG: oh no!

EB: wow, ok, i guess i should start at the beginning.
EB: see, a meteor blew up my neighborhood.

GG: thats terrible john! im so sorry!

EB: but i'm ok! and my house is too, sort of.
EB: but now i'm trapped here and it's weird and dark and i can't find my dad and i just lost the car and my copy of the game in the pit and i think i have to save the world from the apocalypse!!!

GG: O_O
GG: well.....
GG: it sounds really crazy and kind of scary but.....
GG: it also sounds kind of exciting!
GG: if anyone can save the world i think it is probably you!

EB: well ok, BUT.
EB: it's not even that simple!
EB: i was about to connect to rose to help transport her and save her from meteors and fire and stuff.
EB: but she lost battery power and i lost the game disc!
EB: so i think i have to get TG to use his copy to save her!
EB: but that jackass won't shut up and stop rapping and stuff.

GG: hahaha
GG: he is so silly!

EB: yeah. anyway i should talk to him about it, so brb.

TG: when the film crew zooms where the presidents at
TG: im like if that dudes black ill eat my hat
TG: turns out he is, so we're all "damn, director's got gumption"
TG: like we'll all flip our shit he aint shining shoes or somethin

EB: aaaaaarrrgh!
EB: stop rapping for a second you horse's ass!
EB: i have something important to talk about.

TG: whats up

EB: rose is in trouble and she needs help. i was going to connect to her with sburb but i lost my copy!
EB: so i think you should use your copy of the game to help her!

TG: thats going to be tough
TG: i lost it
TG: its a stupid story and id rather not talk about it

EB: i thought you said you had two?

TG: well yeah
TG: one is my brothers copy

EB: ok, well get his then!
EB: also you might want to read rose's walkthrough to get up to speed on this.

TG: oh man

EB: what?

TG: nothing really
TG: look all im saying is the girl tends to lay it on kinda thick you know?

EB: /ROLLS EYES

Meanwhile!

Knit laptop cozy: Check.
Needlekind Strife Specibus: Check.
LET'S GO.

You wonder if this rain will ever let up. It's driven since the month began, perhaps long enough to forget its purpose. It no longer even knows to assuage fire. Somewhere a zealous god threads these strings between the clouds and the earth, preparing for a symphony it fears impossible to play. And so it threads on, and on, delaying the raise of the conductor's baton.

[S] How you hate this season.

"April is the cruelest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain." -American sports legend, Charles Barkley

NEXT CHAPTER: Irony.

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