prof | Let's Play Homestuck

<< | ^^ | >>

Act 5 Act 2: He Is Already Here.

Part 6: Alterniabound

[S] Past Karkat: Wake up.

Interactive segment! Feel free to explore, I'm not covering every conversation here.

Session's over. Just woke up after a grim awakening on Prospit. Time to catch up on what happened when you were asleep.

KARKAT: MY HEAD HURTS.
KARKAT: I HAD A HORRIBLE DREAM, OK.
KARKAT: I FINALLY WOKE UP ON PROSPIT.
KARKAT: DREAM ME IS DEAD.
TEREZI: 1 KNOW >:[
TEREZI: 4LL OF US 4R3, PROSP1T W4S COMPL3T3LY D3STROY3D
KARKAT: OH SHIT, REALLY?
KARKAT: GUESS THAT'S NOT TOO SURPRISING. ANYWAY, I SAW THE DEMON AGAIN.
KARKAT: I THINK I KNOW WHO IT IS.
TEREZI: WHO 1S 1T >:?
KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW HOW IT'S POSSIBLE...
KARKAT: I NEED TO SEARCH FOR MORE ANSWERS BEFORE I KNOW FOR SURE.
TEREZI: SO, YOU S4W H1M JUST B3FOR3 H3 D3STROY3D PROSP1T?
KARKAT: YEAH. AND THAT WASN'T EVEN THE BAD PART OF THE DREAM.
TEREZI: TH4T W4S 4N HOUR 4GO! WH4T H4V3 YOU B33N DR34M1NG 4BOUT S1NC3?
KARKAT: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
KARKAT: THE BOTTOM LINE IS, EVERYONE HERE IS FORBIDDEN FROM GOING TO SLEEP.
TEREZI: UM, 4LR1GHT >:/
KARKAT: DO YOU EVER EVEN GET TIRED?
TEREZI: 1M G3TT1NG PR3TTY T1R3D R1GHT NOW 4S 4 M4TT3R OF F4CT
TEREZI: T1R3D OF YOUR BULLSH1T!
KARKAT: GOD I'M TIRED.

TEREZI: W3V3 B33N 1N CONT4CT W1TH SOM3 4L13NS FROM TH3 UN1V3RS3 W3 CR34T3D
KARKAT: OK. SO?
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT 4S OUR 1NTR3P1D L34D3R TH4T W4S SOM3TH1NG YOU M1GHT W4NT TO KNOW
KARKAT: ALRIGHT, AS LEADER, I RECOMMEND WE DELIVER THEM A DELIGHTFUL GIFT BASKET VIA TRANSUNIVERAL BULGE THRUST.
TEREZI: 1M NOT S4Y1NG W3 N33D TO M4K3 FR13NDS W1TH TH3M OR 4NYTH1NG, BUT W3V3 B3GUN TO SUSP3CT TH3Y H4V3 SOM3TH1NG TO DO W1TH OUR S3SS1ON, P4R4DOX1C4LLY SP34K1NG
TEREZI: M4YB3 W3 C4N F1GUR3 OUT 4 W4Y TO G3T OURS3LV3S OUT OF TH1S J4M?
KARKAT: NOPE. I ALREADY TOLD YOU. WE'RE DOOMED. A MEANINGLESS RACE OF ALIENS WON'T CHANGE THAT.
KARKAT: NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'VE GOT A LOT OF IMPORTANT SHIT TO DO.
TEREZI: YOU M34N 4 LOT OF 1MPORT4NT W4ND3R1NG 4ROUND 41ML3SSLY 4ND T4LK1NG TO P3OPL3?
KARKAT: YES, EXACTLY.

SOLLUX: ii recommend we dont bother wiith them, though aradiia 2eem2 two thiink well all be iin each other2 2ponge2 iineviitably.
KARKAT: GOOD, THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR.
SOLLUX: uh huh, 2ure kk by the look of 2ome of your future memo2 iit look2 liike youre gonna get pretty wound up by thii2 thiing 2oon.
KARKAT: MAN, FUCK MY FUTURE MEMOS.
SOLLUX: no way, theyre hiilariiou2, be2t thiing about haviing you a2 a leader hand2 down.
KARKAT: FUCK THAT SENTIMENT, AND FUCK YOU, AND FUCK FUTURE ME.
SOLLUX: ok. what about pa2t you, ii2 pa2t you cool.
KARKAT: THE ONLY GUY MORE IRRITATING AND STUPID THAN FUTURE ME IS PAST ME.

KARKAT: I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT IT. JUST DON'T GO TO SLEEP.
KARKAT: OH WAIT, YOU'RE A DERSE DREAMER, RIGHT? NEVER MIND.
FEFERI: T)(ere's no reason to be scared! T)(ey are not as terrible as t)(ey look.
FEFERI: W)(en Derse is destroyed, I am going to go to sleep and prove it.
FEFERI: T)(IS IS PR-ETTY -EXCITING! Don't you t)(ink???
KARKAT: "M-E)("

KARKAT: TROLL WHO?
ARADIA: never mind
ARADIA: lets pretend i didnt say that and lets als0 pretend it isnt inevitable
KARKAT: WHAT THE FROND BUCKLING NOOK STENCH ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
ARADIA: n0thing. its n0t like a decisi0n y0u are ab0ut t0 make will invariably lead t0 every pr0blem we have and will ever face as well as the great und0ing itself
ARADIA: just keep listening t0 y0ur angry impulses it will all be fine
KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT WAS GREAT? WHEN YOU USED TO NOT BE A ROBOT.
ARADIA: 0_0

KARKAT: HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN AWESOME TIME TO TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO SAW YOUR LOWER TORSO OFF AND REPLACE IT WITH ROBO LEGS?
KARKAT: ANY GODDAMN TIME BEFORE NOW. YOU KNOW, DURING OUR WHOLE ADVENTURE WHEN THEY MIGHT HAVE COME IN HANDY.
TAVROS: oHH, sORRY,
KARKAT: DID YOU SEE HIM?
KARKAT: THE DEMON. WHEN YOU WERE ASLEEP.
TAVROS: nO,
KARKAT: HE WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE. I TOLD YOU TO LOOK, BUT I GUESS YOU WERE TOO BUSY FROLICKING IN THE SKY OR WHATEVER YOU DO ON THAT GAUDY YELLOW MOON.
TAVROS: oH, mAN, yEAH SKY FROLICKING WAS PROBABLY DEFINITELY THE THING i WAS PREOCCUPIED BY,
KARKAT: JUST DON'T GO TO SLEEP. SPREAD THE WORD.
TAVROS: i COULDN'T POSSIBLY SLEEP NOW, i'M TOO EXCITED ABOUT THESE AWESOME LEGS, lOOK AT ME GO, wHOOPS,

KARKAT: THIS ROBOLEG BULLSHIT WAS YOUR IDEA WASN'T IT.

KARKAT: OK I HEREBY ORDER YOU TO NEVER EVEN THINK ABOUT GIVING SOMEONE HORSELEGS AGAIN, IS THAT UNDERSTOOD.
EQUIUS: D --> Yes, I can follow that order, sir
EQUIUS: D --> Are there any other orders you would like to issue to me in a manner that is similarly forceful
KARKAT: I ALSO ORDER YOU TO STOP GETTING OFF ON MY ORDERS. FOR LIKE THE FIVE HUNDREDTH FUCKING TIME.
EQUIUS: D --> Yes, and you will continue to order me to do so. I command it
EQUIUS: D --> I need a towel
KARKAT: DON'T TOUCH ME.

Enough of this asshole! Time to switch player characters.

TEREZI: 1 KNOW! BUT HOW? H3 S33MS 1NV1NC1BL3
TEREZI: 1F 4 THOUS4ND 4R4D14BOTS COULDNT K1LL H1M, WH4T HOP3 DO W3 H4V3?
FEFERI: T)(e )(umans! T)(ey are t)(e answer.
TEREZI: UM, OK, 1F YOU S4Y SO F3F3R1!

ARADIA: 0f c0urse they are the s0luti0n
ARADIA: but they are als0 the pr0blem
ARADIA: every effect is als0 its 0wn cause
ARADIA: 0ur tw0 universes exist 0n 0pp0sing sides 0f a m0bius strip which is 0f c0urse n0thing but c0ntradicti0n
TEREZI: GR34T T4LK1NG TO YOU 4R4D14, TH4T W4S 4 BL4ST 4S USU4L

GAMZEE: CoSt yOu oNe pInCh oF SpEcIaL StArDuSt.
TEREZI: TH4NKS G4MZ BUT NO 1 4M NOT T1R3D
TEREZI: 1 M4Y GO FOR 4NOTH3R UN3XP3CT3D HONK JUMP SOON THOUGH
GAMZEE: Oh pLeAsE No dOnT Go mOtHeRfUcKiN GeTtInG My sCaRe oN LiKe tHaT, I CaNt bE HaRdLy hAnDlInG ThAt NoIsE.
TEREZI: SORRY BUT WH3N 4 G1RL H4S TO G3T H3R HONK JUMP ON TH3R3 1S JUST NO STOPP1NG H3R
GAMZEE: :o(
TEREZI: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3

ERIDAN: tell him to put his honey wwhere his mouth is and meet me outside for another duel
TEREZI: 1 4M NOT M3D14T1NG B3TW33N YOU TWO!
TEREZI: 1F YOUR3 W4X1NG 4SH3N FOR M3, F1N3, 1... GU3SS 1M FL4TT3R3D???
TEREZI: BUT H3S TOT4LLY NOT 3V3N 1NT3R3ST3D 1N TH3 TYP3 OF
TEREZI: R1V4LRY YOU W4NT W1TH H1M, OK?
ERIDAN: swweet stinkin murder i am truly pathetic arent i
TEREZI: Y3S, 4BSOLUT3LY

TEREZI: Y3S 1T 1S OBV1OUS
TEREZI: WHY TH3 1NF4TU4T1ON W1TH TH4T P4RT1CUL4R HUM4N
KANAYA: Hmm
KANAYA: I Guess I Find Her Sort Of
KANAYA: Intoxicating
KANAYA: Intoxicatingly Underwhelming
TEREZI: >:?

TEREZI: GOD, YOUR J34LOUSLY 1S R1D1CULOUS! NOBODY C4R3S 4BOUT STOCKP1L1NG M34N1NGL3SS TR34SUR3 OTH3R TH4N YOU. W1LL YOU GROW UP???
VRISKA: I guess you're right. I'm just giving you a hard time!
VRISKA: You know, like the good old days. Don't you miss our friendly rivalry sometimes?
VRISKA: Anyway, just so you know, you're not the only one who can play a chumpy 8oy, and manipul8 him into doing what you want.
VRISKA: In fact, I'm not even going to use any powers! Just to prove it's no 8ig deal.
TEREZI: WH4T TH3 H3LL 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG 4BOUT
VRISKA: You'll see!!!!!!!! Oops, smell. Haha, 8n't it a 8ummer you never died????????
VRISKA: Oh well. Anyway, let's get this party started. I declare the chumpy impressiona8le human 8oy-off to 8e........
VRISKA: OOOOOOOON! :::;)
TEREZI: UGH, YOU 4R3 SO CR4ZY

And while we're on the subject of Vriska!

Time to shift viewpoints again.

VRISKA: Hey, what's your deal?
VRISKA: I'm talking to you!
KANAYA: What Do You Want
VRISKA: Nothing really! It's just you haven't said one word to me since we got here.
VRISKA: In fact, we've hardly spoken in weeks! Not since you gave me that nice dress.
KANAYA: Oh Sorry I Hadnt Really Noticed
VRISKA: You are really strange, fussyfangs. I don't get you anymore.
VRISKA: That was some pretty sweet chainsaw work earlier. Pretty 8rutal, really! Didn't think you had it in you.
VRISKA: Hey, you weren't settling a score with him there 8y any chance?
KANAYA: What
VRISKA: I've got a pretty keen nose for revenge. Could it 8e that you had a thing for him and were upset when he went for me instead? Hmmmmmmmm?
KANAYA: Could You Leave Me Alone
VRISKA: Fiiiiiiiine, god.

VRISKA: So........
VRISKA: Standing by the old horn pile I see.
VRISKA: Ok then. Carry on I guess.
ERIDAN: god damn vvris wwhys it still got to be so flippin awwkwward like this come on
ERIDAN: wwe used to havve a good thing goin remember our campaigns
VRISKA: It was fun, Eridan. While it lasted.
VRISKA: 8ut it ran its course! I don't know what else to tell you.
ERIDAN: oh as if im not so ovver it please spare me your disdain mindfang
ERIDAN: im wworkin on findin a neww rivvalry wwhichll make ours look like a kiddie game
VRISKA: If you say so, Dualscar! 8est of luck with that.

VRISKA: 8eing a8le to walk suits you so much 8etter. Have I ever told you how much of a loser you were when you were a cripple? It's a real shame a8out how that had to happen to you."
TAVROS: nO, bUT THANK YOU FOR SAYING SO,
TAVROS: i MEAN, fOR THE GOOD STUFF YOU SAID, nOT NECESSARILY THE BAD STUFF,
VRISKA: You're welcome! Now, how do those 8ad 8oys handle on stairs?
TAVROS: i DON'T KNOW, BUT I'VE BEEN ADVISED TO STAY AWAY FROM THEM,
VRISKA: Worst advice you could ever receive. I demand that you spend the next several hours mastering stairs.
VRISKA: Come on, what would that fakey 8ullshit fantasy asshole Rufio say a8out this?"
TAVROS: oH, mAN, hE WOULD MOST SURELY BE ALL ABOUT ME CLIMBING LOTS OF STAIRS,
VRISKA: Exactly! Now hop to it, and don't think twice a8out it, or I'll know. We don't want to have to do it the hard way now, do we?"
TAVROS: oH MY GOD,

VRISKA: *Marquise Mindfang shares the innocent young catgirl's giggle, as she surreptitiously reaches for an orn8 dagger concealed in her 8oot!*
NEPETA: :33 < noooooo dont roleplay as mindfang! :((
NEPETA: :33 < i changed my mind, why dont we just not do any roleplaying instead
VRISKA: ::::(

ARADIA: what d0 y0u want
VRISKA: You saw the demon up close, right? You fought him! Or at least your doppelgangers did.
VRISKA: What was he like!
ARADIA: what d0 y0u want t0 kn0w specifically
VRISKA: Primarily I'm interested in your take on his weaknesses, tactical disadvantages, stuff like that.
ARADIA: 0_0
ARADIA: are y0u seri0usly intending t0 fight him
VRISKA: Wouldn't you like to know!!!!!!!!
ARADIA: n0t especially